The past few weeks I have witnessed two presidential candidates and their running mates promote, campaign, and debate profusely to win the hearts of 250 million Indonesians for the July 9th election. Their diehard fans are relentless in their expressions of support. Black campaigns have even surfaced in light of this presidential election. Social media is plastered with articles and comments about favorite candidates that frequently spawn negative reactions from the opponent’s side. In fact, many people whom I thought were non-partisan bystanders have stood up and defended their idols passionately. On a larger scope we have seen disputes or disparity in opinions become conflicts, fistfights even, spread from politicians in the capital down to farmers in the village. One might ask, why does diversity have to turn circumstances into adversity and people into adversaries?
George Washington once said “True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity.” His quote parallels with my theory that adversity can somehow create unity. One of many personal experiences to illustrate my hypothesis took place two decades ago during a canoeing expedition in which my friend and I partook. The 2-day journey in the blistering heat, added with exhaustion and lack of paddling skills and coordination were a test to our synergy. Alas we failed it, the unfamiliar and far from comfort conditions took us to a place of disharmony. On the bright side, the experience of adversity also forced us to communicate, build mutual respect and to realize that we must overcome challenges that arise no matter what because we had one common goal. Until this process occured, her and I could become closer and more effective as teammates. Challenges bring out our real self, sometimes the best and sometimes the worst versions of us. This goes for teams as well. If everyone works together to overcome adversity the experience will bring the individuals closer.
I am re-reading a classic book by the great author Dale Carnegie called “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. One of my favorite parts of the book is when he talks about building relationships and building success by avoiding arguments because he believes that they essentially can’t be won. He says that we could either have “an academic, theatrical victory, or a person’s good will. We can seldom have both.”
To me, this rings true in my professional and personal relationships. Sometimes we get caught up in disputes for the sake of winning something, feeling superior, and being heard. In the end, have we really won anything if it’s a win-lose outcome? I feel fortunate that I’m often reminded that diversity is to be celebrated and adversity to be overcome and that they are the true essence of all relationships. I hope this article can help us reflect on our relationships and the ways we take to grow them. I’ll conclude with a quote by Epicurus, “You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”
This article was written exclusively for NOW!Jakarta Magazine July 2014 issue and is now available. Visit their website where you can also find my article.
Turning Life Experiences into Life Skills 