5 Ciri Gen-Y dengan Adversity Quotient (AQ) Tinggi

Telah dibuktikan bahwa ada 3 hal yang menjadi prediktor global untuk kesuksesan seseorang, yaitu IQ (inteligensia), EQ (keterampilan emosional), dan AQ (resiliensi terhadap tantangan).

Adversity Quotient (AQ) adalah penilaian ilmiah yang mengukur resiliensi seseorang, daya tahan seseorang saat menghadapi tekanan atau kesulitan. Seseorang dengan AQ yang tinggi memiliki kemampuan, keterampilan dan mindset yang positif untuk menghadapi bahkan keluar dari situasi tersebut. Lebih jauh dari itu, dia menyambut tantangan dengan sikap yang positif. Sebaliknya, seseorang dengan AQ yang rendah cenderung memiliki kesulitan dan putus asa dalam mengatasi masalah, dan menjauhi tantangan.

Gen Y (Millenial) pun sama, ada yang memiliki AQ tinggi, dan ada yang lebih rendah. Tantangan kita sebagai Leaders adalah untuk memastikan SDM Gen-Y kita mempunyai resiliensi yang tinggi atau bisa meningkat, agar boosting performa bisnis.

 

Berikut adalah 5 ciri Millenial dengan AQ yang tinggi dalam Pekerjaan:

1. Mindset positif. Merespon sesuatu dengan perspektif yang positif, antusias dan optimistis, bukan negatif. Milenial ini cenderung proaktif, tidak reaktif terhadap situasi atau masalah.
2. Berani keluar dari zona nyaman. Orang ini bertipe suka menjemput tantangan. Merespon situasi yang tidak nyaman dengan tenang dan cara pandang yang positif. Tidak suka dengan status quo, sehingga selalu ingin berkembang, ingin mencapai hasil yang lebih baik. Faktor motivasi diri dan disipilin diri tinggi, sehingga membutuhkan faktor eksternal yang relatif rendah.
3. Tidak takut hadapi perubahan. Perubahan adalah hal yang wajar. Milenial dengan AQ tinggi akan agile dalam mengatasi situasi yang tidak menentu, akan memimpin Tim-nya dengan efektif untuk melalui perubahan bersama-sama.
4. Kegagalan adalah kesempatan belajar. Milenial ber-AQ tinggi menganggap kegagalan bukan akhir dari segalanya, malah merupakan kesempatan untuk belajar dan mengembangkan diri. Individu ini tidak mudah menyerah saat dalam masalah, atau menghadapi penolakan. Hasil adalah penting, namun proses juga memiliki peran yang sama pentingnya.
5. Bukan complainer atau blamer. Milenial yang memiliki AQ tinggi memiliki  akuntabilitas dan rasa tanggung jawab terhadap pekerjaan, tidak suka mengeluh atau menyalahkan orang lain saat dalam menghadapi tekanan atau masalah.

Semoga artikel ini dapat membantu mengidentifikasi dan memicu resiliensi tim Millenial Anda.

Hubungi Outward Bound Indonesia (email: info@outwardboundindo.org atau ph: 021-548-1529) untuk dapat info lebih lanjut tentang AQ dan program Training untuk mengembangkannya.

Women & Leadership: Nature, Nurture or Neither?

I read somewhere that there is a set of distinct traits that students of girls schools share, that girls from their coeducational counterparts otherwise wouldn’t, among which are high self-confidence (the article may even have said overconfidence), and the camaraderie.

Having graduated from one myself, I’d undoubtedly vouch for those claims. My formative and pubescent years of middle school and high school were spent in one of the most reputable school systems in Indonesia called St. Ursula. Set in the same compound as Jakarta Cathedral, the 200 year old colonial-style campus exuded the same fortitude as the quality of education delivered.

Our headmistress, a Dutch educated Catholic nun, was a traditionalist but visionary, powerful but gentle, modest but brilliant and whose motto “think” was uncompromising. She wouldn’t accept mediocrity, her method pushed you to keep trying new things until you could accomplish your goals, she believed that intelligence was important but it wasn’t everything, that being a well-rounded individual was more essential than being smart, she taught you to be involved as active members of society and not as spectators. Moreover she was also “killer”. She was an authority figure you wouldn’t want to have a run-in with, as she would let you and everybody know that you did something wrong. But on the same token, getting schooled by her was a rite of passage, a privilege and to an extent, a bragging right that could be told for years. True to this last point, I for one, can proudly say survived the latter. To this day, she is still loved, hated, admired and idolized as an educator, by the throngs.

A rather interesting observation many people share though is not only about her, but about the alumni, that there is a certain mold that St Ursula graduates seem to fit into. Mixed in the professional world, you could pinpoint an Ursula alum from the crowd like a sore thumb. The public opinion seems to be that the women are typically natural leaders, driven, opinionated, confident, vocal, thoughtful, independent and generally successful.

 

Over the last 20 years, research has shown that girls think, interact, display leadership, and make decisions differently than boys. Studies shows that with fewer gender distractions, girls learn to be more competitive, accept leadership roles, and spend more time on schoolwork and personal interests. Studies point to educational disparities between the sexes, and found that, in mixed schools, girls routinely are called upon less, receive less feedback, and display lower self-esteem than boys. Furthermore, according to Forbes, in the business world, women currently hold only 4.6 percent of Fortune 500 CEO positions and the same percentage of Fortune 1000 CEO positions. In 2014, women working full time in the United States typically were paid just 79 percent of what men were paid, a gap of 21 percent.

These statements pose a degree of curiosity for me. Does leadership come naturally for women, or does it require a sequestered condition of nurturing and grooming that is different from men? Moreover, are both properties above combined, plus a favorable opportunity, the chance women need to gain a leadership position? I attended a women leadership forum where top female executives of major Indonesian and international corporations spoke. In one occasion the speakers agreed that women must speak up and dare to ask the bold questions in order to break the glass ceilings and climb the corporate ladders. This then begs the question if leadership is granted to women, or do we have the same fair chance as men to earn it? My final thought, Do women with comparable traits, competencies, skills, knowledge, drive, passion as the men counterpart, when compared to or are competing with them stand equal chance? Or rather, in this day and age, should this type of question not even be asked anymore?

My next Talk, What’s next for HR in 2016

Upcoming event for fellow HR practitioners. What’s next for HR in 2016?
I’ll be talking about AQ (Adversity Quotient), and why it is essential to improve it for the future Gen Y leaders.
The event is on Thursday, 3 Mar 2016 in Jakarta.

2016 Resolution: Stop Making Excuses for Yourself!

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else” – Benjamin Franklin

This particular show called “My 600-lb Life” caught my attention recently. The premise of the programme is to tell a story about people who suffer from obesity, about their past, about how and when they started becoming overweight, about their current life situation dealing with it, and about how eventually they go through a gastric bypass surgery to help catalyze weight loss and the follow up. As expected, people who are obese are essentially immobile, needing a caretaker to tend to their every need, have poor health, and lead an imbalanced lifestyle.

A woman weighing 690 lbs went through a bypass surgery and after six months only managed to lose less than 100 lbs from the possible 300 lbs. They showed that she refused all kinds of instructions and recommendations given to her such as diet, exercise, physical therapy, and a generally active lifestyle. She had all the excuses in the world for why she wouldn’t follow them, to a point where even the doctor finally resigned from her case.

A simple tip for goal setting that I’d like to share are the “3 D’s”. The first “D” of goal setting is “Desire” to achieve it, that is, asking yourself ‘how much do I want this?’. If you don’t get excited about the goal, then maybe it’s not something you really want to pursue in the first place. Pick something that makes your heart race just thinking about it, and you’ll be more likely to complete it.

The other 2 D’s are “Determination” and “Discipline,” that is how much you are willing to work for the goals despite the roadblocks. Anyone can set a goal easily. The overweight woman may appear resolute to lose weight in the beginning, but she wasn’t willing to work towards her goals and that is the reason for her failure. The ultimate test of goal setting or goal achieving is in the process, when we have to put in the time, energy, effort and sacrifice.

We don’t not do things because we can’t, but because we won’t. The question we need to ask ourselves about our goal is, ‘Will I work for my goals, or will I make excuses for why I won’t?’ Additionally, a smart thing to do is to identify the potential roadblocks before the journey even starts and the sacrifices we would need to make regularly or constantly in order to reach these goals. This way, we can brace ourselves and prepare for those challenges beforehand, rather than being caught off guard and underestimating these challenges.

I hope the “3 D’s” formula can help you understand the right mindset for effective goal setting and goal accomplishing. It’s got to be something meaningful that will move you. However, in order to reap the rewards, it’s guaranteed to be nothing short of hard work.

So my 2016 wish to you is for a prosperous year ahead filled with happiness, health and laughter.

This article has been published on Now! Jakarta magazine January 2016 issue.

5 Common Mistakes People Make in Team Building Trainings

In my profession as a Coach in the People Development business, I see mistakes that HR Managers, Directors, even CEOs make in confusing team building trainings as a cost versus an investment for the company. In an economic sense, investment is the purchase of goods that are not consumed today, but are used in the future to create wealth.

Cost is the price paid to acquire something. Training is an investment because people are assets, not commodities. To emphasize the phrase ‘used in the future to create wealth’ to describe investment, as leaders we believe that our employees and team members will generate wealth for the organization, therefore we invest in them by developing them. One of the frequent arguments against investing in professional development is “What happens if I train my people and they leave?” A better question is “What happens if you don’t train them and they stay?”

Benefits of Team Development Trainings

An effective team building training will be able to help your organization reach new heights by building trust among the members, improving communication and collaboration, boosting their morale and essentially increasing productivity and performance. What does all this mean for the bottom line of a company? According to studies, employees with high morale are 89% more likely to put in extra effort and extra hours at work.

So in order for your company to get the most ROI from a team building training, I’d like to share the 5 most common mistakes people make that you need to avoid:

1. Being Unclear about your Goals

   You must be clear about what you want to attain from the training, and how you wish your training partner to help you reach your goals. Do you just want your employees to have a shared experience, or do you actually want them to learn about each other and to synergize together? By setting a clear goal, it’ll help you to consider the right approach as well as partner for your endeavors (see #2 below)

    

2. Picking the Wrong Partner to Develop your Team

   Next to #1, this is the second most important element to having a successful team building training. The right training partner can diagnose what your team needs, has the right software and hardware to deliver the programme, has the experience and credentials, and most critically understands how important this investment is for you.
   

3. Thinking Team Building must be Fun
   

   Too many people mistake team building as some kind of a paid vacation that’s injected with some amount of learning, sponsored by the company. The point of learning is stretching our old thinking into new philosophies, and this process to some degree requires leaving our comfort zone – and for some, this is no walk in the park. So if you’re thinking of investing money on fun in the name of training, you’d better think again.

4. Thinking Team Building Training is to Play Games
   

   The most effective method to develop a team is through a shared experience, scientifically known as experiential learning training. You and other team members are outside of a classic 4-wall classroom, are given a series of problem-solving tasks and simulations to be solved together. But there is more than meets the eye. The activities or simulations are only one part of the equation. An effective experiential learning training is one that delivers both the experience and the learning equally well. It should provide a meaningful experience; facilitate impactful reflections to draw insights behind the activities and relate them back to real-life situations.

5. Thinking Team Building is a Quick Fix

   Rome was not built in one day, and neither are teams. Studies show that people need 21 consecutive days to form a new habit, hence repetition is key. A good team building training is able to offer solutions for your teamwork issues that give a long-term impact. They say, a quick fix is a short-term fix. So if you want a strong team that’s permanent, you have to be willing to put in the time and the work.

We all desire a team that works like a well-oiled machine and yields high productivity. Sometimes we’ve got it, sometimes we haven’t got it yet. One thing is for sure, wherever we are in that spectrum, a well-coordinated and engaged team doesn’t just happen automatically. We call it teamwork because the whole team has to put in the work. You may contract a training partner to help develop your people, but building your teams is not their full-time job, it’s yours. My wish in your endeavor for wealth in your organization, is that you are investing in your people correctly and wisely.

This article has published on Now! Jakarta magazine

Three Reasons NOT to Make a New Year’s Resolution

Ahhh, it’s that time of the year, New Year, where spirits are high, motivation is up, dreams are abundant and hopes are plentiful! One of the most universal and wonderful habits during this period is making a resolution. Why wouldn’t one want to take advantage of the occasion and start a new leaf with new aspirations and new promises? It all sounds fantastic and makes you all tingly inside, doesn’t it?

Here’s the hard truth though, according to a research from the University of Scranton, only eight per cent of people actually achieve their New Year’s goals. Eight percent! In other words, 92 out of 100 people fail to reach their dreams. Are you among this bunch who gave up on your dreams? Well, that sounds a bit harsh!

Alright, let’s rephrase the question. Do you remember what goals you set last year? What was it or what were they? How did you do? Did you achieve it? If not, how close did you get to achieving those goals? Are you satisfied with your accomplishments? My guess is some of you may not remember your resolutions, many of you didn’t follow through with them and may be thinking “another year, another resolution…down the drain!”.

Many people get impulsive in setting new goals, especially in the New Year. Unfortunately many can’t even track down how close they were in reaching them throughout the year. So why do we bother making them in the first place! I’ll share with you three reasons why we should NOT make a new year’s resolution:

1. If we can’t break down our goals into digestible and do-able tactics and strategies, then we really shouldn’t make one at all.

When we say “I want to lose 15 kgs in one year”, do we really know how to achieve that? Does it make us feel challenged or lost? A goal is supposed to make us feel a little uncomfortable inside, but just as importantly, it’s supposed to make us feel like we CAN achieve it! What good does it do if we already feel defeated before the battle even started? Compare to “I want to lose 15 kgs in one year, which equals to 1.25 kgs per month”. Doesn’t that goal sound more attainable and enticing? When you’re setting a goal, break it down to smaller-scaled tactics.

2. If you can’t hold yourself accountable for your resolutions, give them up!

Commitment is a promise you keep because you feel accountable for it. When making a resolution, we are painting a dream that requires a commitment in order to achieve it. The irony of a commitment is that most people can keep promises to other people more than they can to themselves.

If this is the case, maybe it’ll be worth your while to make a resolution as a promise to somebody else. You can ask a friend, or a family member, or a mentor to help you. A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriends and I shared our 2015 resolutions in front of each other; one person took note and afterwards shared the list of goals to the group.

When I read the minutes, truthfully it made me feel a bit anxious about letting down the group by not keeping my promise. Hence, I suppose it’s a good thing that other people heard my resolutions and can come back and check on my progress or commitment from time to time.

3. If you can’t envision the impact and true benefits of your goals, then why make them?

How is your goal going to affect your life? How is it going to make you feel? If you can’t say that your resolutions will make your life or other people’s lives better, more meaningful and enriched, and you a happier person, then you might want to consider redefining your resolution. It’s not that I don’t endorse shallow goals, but if we can’t feel in our gut how our goals will truly make us happy, then we won’t really put our heart into our efforts; and consequently if we don’t end up reaching them then we can resort to feeling like we haven’t lost anything anyway! For example, let’s say your goal is to go on an Alaskan cruise because you’ve never been on a cruise ship and one of your dreams is to see the glaciers.

Try redefining that goal into a feeling of happiness, joy and pride. And try to envision how the trip will enrich your life by way of seeing a different part of the world, seeing the wonders of nature and meeting people from all over. If you can visualise the true positive impacts your goal will bring to your life, then you will more likely strive to achieve it, because by not attaining it, you will not have only failed to reach a goal, but more importantly you have lost part of your happiness.

This article has been published in Now! Jakarta magazine

What to look for in a Team building program

There’s no denying that Teamwork is essential for any group or organization. The benefits of a cohesive team is invaluable for any organization. A 20th century inventor, industrialist and successful businessman, Henry Ford said, “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”

Nowadays, team development and leadership trainings have become a popular program for the training department. A team spirit is deemed as one of the most important values and required traits for people to have. It’s no wonder HR managers will seek expert help in order to acquire it.

My past article “Is your Team building training worth the investment?” raises the point of how team development programs may have been trivialized and confused with fun company events – when in actuality they are 2 parallel but different things.

I want to address how you can make the most out of your team building program, and also lend you a couple of tips on what to look for in a good program to make your training investment worth while.

Experience is our best Teacher

While there are plenty of learning methods out there, there’s nothing that teaches us better than our own experience. An education method that uses the students’ own experience and pushes them to grow outside of their comfort zone is called Experiential Learning. I believe experience to be one of the most effective ways through which human beings learn. When something (good or bad) happens to you, you’ll remember the experience and understand the learning much better than if you didn’t experience it yourself. Imagine learning to ride a bike for the first time. Scene A. Imagine doing it by just reading a manual. Scene B. Imagine doing it by actually trying to ride the bike. Which scene do you think will work more effectively? You’re right, Scene B.

In the same light, in a team building program that uses Experiential learning method, your team is directly engaged in a relationship building experience by exercising communication, coordination, leadership, followership. Essentially, instead of just learning about building teamwork from some theory, you are actually learning through it from practice.

While a team building program should be engaging and active,  make sure your teams go home with CHANGES:

1. Change in Paradigm

When a person decides to shift his way of thinking, a change in paradigm is taking place. A good team building program should be able to facilitate awareness of a person in the context of community. It acts like a mirror for the team and team members to see how they are, how they work and interact together. They should be able to reflect on the weak and strong points and where they can develop more. In essence, a good team building program is able to empower self-development and self-transformation of each team member from bad to good, from good to better, from better to great. The first step of transformation is for someone to say “I can change”.

2. Change in Behavior

A development program is a link between the “past and future”. People should take away from a training a sense of empowerment and a set of tools to act on it. It’s not enough to know about your weakness if you won’t do anything to improve it, vice versa it’s not enough to know about your strong points if you won’t put them in good use. Awareness that is followed by commitment and action can move mountains, so to speak. In the same light, a good team building program should be able to generate commitment and action of each individual team member as well as the team as a whole. The next step of transformation is for someone to say “I will change”.

What you should expect from a Team building program

Team development trainings have not only become a popular program in the training department, but also as a company’s annual agenda. The power of teamwork is indisputable, consequently for many companies it’s deemed as one of the most important values and required skills for the people to have. It’s no wonder HR managers will seek expert help in order to acquire it.

My last article “Is your Team building training worth the investment?” raises the point of how team development programs may have been trivialized and confused with fun company events – when in actuality they are 2 parallel but different things.

I want to talk about how you can make the most out of your team building program, and give you a couple of tips on what to look for in a good program to make your training investment worth while.

“What I hear, I forget. What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand”

While there are plenty of training methods out there, there’s nothing that teaches us better than our own experience. When something happens to you, you’ll remember the experience and understand the learning much better. Imagine learning to ride a bike by reading the steps off a manual instead of actually trying to ride it. In the same tone, in a team building program that uses Experiential learning method, your team is engaged to go through a relationship building experience first hand by exercising communication, coordination, leadership, followership. Essentially, instead of just learning about building teamwork from a theory, you are actually learning through it from practice.

While a team building program should be engaging and active,  make sure your teams go home with CHANGE:

1. Change in Paradigm

When a person decides to shift his way of thinking, a change in paradigm is taking place. A good team building program should be able to facilitate awareness of a person, and of himself in the context of community. It acts like a mirror for the team and team members to see how they are, how they work and interact together. They should be able to reflect on the weak and strong points and where they can develop more. In essence, a good team building program is able to empower self-development and self-transformation of each team member from bad to good, from good to better, from better to great. The first step of transformation is for someone to say “I can change”.

2. Change in Behavior

A development program is a link between the “past and future”. People should take away from a training a sense of empowerment and a set of tools to act on it. It’s not enough to know about your weakness if you won’t do anything to improve it, vice versa it’s not enough to know about your strong points if you won’t put them in good use. Awareness that is followed by commitment and action can move mountains, so to speak. In the same light, a good team building program should be able to generate commitment and action of each individual team member as well as the team as a whole. The next step of transformation is for someone to say “I will change”.

I always say that teamwork is easier said than done, it’s almost like an art in developing and managing people. It takes craftsmanship, commitment and action mixed together to make it go well. If you’re overseeing the cohesiveness of your units and people, I hope you will keep in mind that effective teams start with effective people that have positive relationships with other team members.

This article has been published on Outward Bound Indonesia’s blog

Is your Team building program worth the investment?

I often get asked by HR Managers if “fun” team building activities can really be effective in developing teams, and more specifically be worth the investment? Fun learning is good. People retain more information and longer in a conducive learning environment, where they are relaxed and can enjoy the process. Learning should be fun, but that is not necessarily useful. Fun alone is non-existent in the training world!

Photo credit: accountingstockton.com

Team development training programs should be able to help build relationships among the people, but further than that be able to give key inter-personal communication tools for which they can use afterwards. Training participants should go home with a sense of empowerment and team cohesiveness.

There are a few mistakes that HR Managers often make in addressing a team building need that can result in a bad training investment:

Misconception #1: Team building = Fun

Unfortunately, many HR Managers get the notion of team development all wrong. Many confuse team building as some kind of a paid vacation that’s injected with some amount of learning, sponsored by the company.  When Dr. Kurt Hahn pioneered experiential learning method in the 40′s as an educational concept for young sailors to develop their character, tenacity and ability to work with others, he never put fun as the ingredient. In fact, his fundamental philosophy of self growth comes from having people put through challenging environments where they will be impelled to step out of their box. And trust me, this process can be difficult for some people, let alone fun. Human beings grow the most when their mind is stretched and when their old views are challenged. So if you’re thinking of investing money on fun in the name of training, you’d better think again.

Photo credit: leadershipwithsass.com

Misconception #2: Team building = Happy People

Yes! We want our people to be happy during the learning process as well as after, when it’s over. Although the truth is, more often than you’d like to admit, people in your company have communication issues with each other, and they are not happy about it. Depending on how critical and serious the issue is, addressing it is always the best policy. It’s not always going to make people happy in the process, but raising the issue and resolving it can give a more permanent and productive result in the long run.

Investment tips : ensure that the training program will give you a lasting and productive output for your people and organization.

Misconception #3: Team building = Quick Fix

Rome was not built in one day, and neither do teams. A good team building training should be able to offer a solution for your teamwork issues. But be mindful, it’s not a quick fix for every problem or for ever. It requires steady work and commitment from all stake holders, even after the training is over. A culture and system that support a productive teamwork can go miles in reaching success for the company.

Investment tips : make sure that you’ve identified your training needs and objectives before you select the type of training program to match.

We all desire a team that works like a well-oiled machine and yields high productivity. Sometimes we have them, sometimes we don’t have them yet. For those who don’t have them yet, don’t be disheartened. We call it teamwork because it is work. In order to have a well-coordinated engaged team, it requires action and nourishment, it doesn’t operate automatically. When you nourish your people, you’re investing in them in the hope of higher returns for the company. If you invest correctly and wisely, you ought to be well on your way to a healthy return.

This article has been published on Outward Bound Indonesia’s blog

Conflict as a Relationship Building Agent

When we hear the word conflict, we automatically get worried or scared like it’s some kind of a disease. Yes, so it does have a bad association, but it may not be as bad as it sounds. One of the definitions of conflict according  to Webster’s dictionary is opposing action of incompatibles, antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons). Many researchers say that conflict can have a healthy effect on relationships, on a personal level or professional level. In fact, in some group development models, conflict is a required ingredient in order for a team to reach optimum productivity.  Some people believe that it’s good to have arguments during courtship to see how compatible you really are with your partner. But the most important part of a conflict is how we resolve it when it happens.

Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there!

I was advising a company in their relationship building strategy when one of the executives said to me “Ya, this is all good, but our staff never have conflict. We’re all fine”. Many people misconstrue conflict with problems. Just because two people never have an argument, doesn’t mean they don’t have a problem – it might just mean they’re not addressing it.

Conflict comes from all sorts of reasons, differences in value, background, upbringing, personality type to differences in habits, preferences, ego, jealousy. Conflicts are part of life, they’re part of a (healthy) human relationship. Haven’t a married couple had a disagreement about either to squeeze their toothpaste from the bottom or the top? Haven’t we all had a disagreement with our best friend about what movie to watch? At work, haven’t we had disagreements with our colleagues about strategies of completing  a project successfully?

Why can conflict be good in strengthening relationships and improving productivity?

When we have a disagreement with someone, it means we have a different opinion, desire or perception, we see the same thing with a different eye. At work, different reasons can trigger conflicts; miscommunications, misunderstandings, lack of role definition, leadership problems, company culture, personality clash. Our attitude towards conflict resolution is what will determine if the relationship will be strengthened, and if we will reach optimum productivity. Some people take the avoidance route in dealing with conflict, while others face the problem and address it. Just be mindful that conflicts continue to fester when ignored, they don’t go away just because we don’t deal with them.

I took an Outward Bound course in high school. During one of our lake expeditions, my canoeing partner and I found ourselves in a stalemate. We were way behind our other teammates and lost our way. We were exhausted, hungry and extremely hot – and to make things worse, we couldn’t seem to row in a straight line or agree on which direction to go. We bickered until we got tired and stayed quiet in the striking heat. Finally we started communicating again and this time really tried to listen to each other’s views. We came to a decision and stuck with it. Before long, we were back on the road (water), found our way and caught up with our teammates.

Conflict Resolution Lesson #1: Problems don’t vaporize into thin air!

I learned a valuable lesson that day, that when we avoid each other and not address the issue, we literally stand still, and nothing gets achieved, and when you come back to it later, it’s still there. When you have an issue with someone from Accounting or Marketing or anyone in your team or company, you need to open communication and address it with them.

Conflict Resolution Lesson #2: We have 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.

The other valuable lesson I learned that day was that conflict resolution is an opportunity to grow. When we try to resolve a problem, 2 things are required: speaking and listening. Doing both of them effectively will help in how the conflict will be resolved tremendously.

Speaker: State your views clearly, calmly and respectfully in a non-judgmental manner. Tell them how the problem makes you feel. Sometimes it’s good to acknowledge our emotions if we feel them, such as anger, frustration, disappointment, to get them out of our system. By so doing, it helps to clear the air and to not be holding grudge towards the person in the future. The power of conflict resolution is also humility. Admitting that we’re wrong and apologizing can go miles and miles in restoring and strengthening a relationship.

Listener: Listen, listen, listen! Some conflicts occur because a person just needs to be listened to. One of most important skills in conflict resolution is listening. Sounds easy (no pun intended!), but a lot harder to do. Good listening is really listening to what the person is saying, rather than to what we’re saying in our heads. Also, the other side of humility is forgiveness, and there’s great power in it.

In business, family or friendships, respect is first and foremost. Respect each other’s views, opinions, positions especially during a disagreement.

When we try to resolve an issue with someone, we are opening ourselves to new perspectives (theirs). By listening to their views and accepting them and/or compromising ours, we’re expanding our horizons. We don’t have to agree with their views, but we can agree to disagree. When we try to resolve a conflict, we’re developing our communication repertoire with that person – and essentially building relationships with them.

This article has been published on Outward Bound Indonesia’s blog: http://outwardboundindo.wordpress.com/2012/04/17/conflict-as-a-relationship-building-agent/